December 2011
I hate myself and want to die :) :) :) :)
Highlights of 2011:
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Today I’m feeling 90% suicidal and 10% mix of every other angst-based emotion you can think of. I put my mood in good use and painted something though. Then I sort of just laid on my floor and listened to piano music.
I’ll post the picture in a second.
My anger coping mechanism includes buying tons of black paint and attacking a wooden canvas with it. It helps an awful amount. This is a subtle reminder post for me to start drawing and painting again at least half as much as I used to.
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I never thought I would ever say this, but I’m tired of being asked to go out every day. I just want to stay at home and be ugly for a while. (This is actually terrible for me to say because I’ve only being going out for 3 days in a row, which isn’t much at all. But I guess it’s because I always require so much to get ready and look decent and go out.)
I kind of feeling like setting fire to all of my old journals. Not because I don’t like them or anything, but I just feel like destroying them in some way. Can’t explain why.
boy:
girl:
the boy and the girl do not have a conversation
love does not exist
you're going to die some day
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The fourth set pattern on ego-oriented patterns regarding the second noble truth, which is the origin of suffering, is believing in the extreme of Nihilism or Eternalism. In the extreme of Nihilism, everything is regarded as completely empty. Nothing in your life matters. No matter what you’re doing and what’s happening, nothing really matters. The extreme of Nihilism comes from the...
So what happened yesterday was that, as I was doing my nails, I accidentally tipped over the uncapped bottle of nail polish remover and it spilled all over my laptop keyboard. My laptop then started spazzing and the keyboard would press random keys by itself and then it just stopped working altogether. BUT, long story short, I managed to clean the keyboard out and now it works! Underneath the...
I’m not so sure if I understand Moira on American Horror Story. I thought they all stayed the age that they died. If that’s correct, why has she aged? I know she brings on this whole thing about how only men see her as young because of their perception but then why has she AGED in the first place? SOMEBODY EXPLAIN THIS TO ME.
You’re afraid to die and you’re afraid to live. What a fucking grand way of existing.
Majority of people on my bbm contact list have statuses stating that they got laptops and other luxury items as Christmas gifts. My family doesn’t celebrate Christmas so I’m not really that phased about presents but my mom bought me a book the other day which still makes me happy so it’s alright.
cockless-nights:
Christmas (Baby Please Come...
Au milieu de l’hiver, j’ai découvert en moi un invincible été.
For some reason I was not aware that there is a 12th episode of American Horror Story but now I know and I feel like a certain light has been kindled in my life. Apart from that, the only other exciting thing happening is the fact that I’m seeing a friend(my ex/sunshine of my life) in almost less than 2 days after not seeing him for almost 2 years since he has moved away. I’m going to...
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In the wild struggle for existence, we want to have something that endures, and so we fill our minds with rubbish and facts, in the silly hope of keeping our place. Oscar Wilde
nothing says christmas more than sitting in your room alone blogging
jenkemaddict-deactivated2012041 asked: YOU'RE A FUCKING SLUT AND I HATE YOU
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Sorry Raif, too tired to act excited/phased about half the shit that you’re saying right now.
I HAVE NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT AND MY LIFE IS BORING AND EVERYTHING I SAY IS BORING AND I’M JUST A MASSIVE BUNDLE OF GREY BORINGNESS.
I like to make myself believe that I have some sort of illness with promotes people’s vapid attitudes towards me. :))))
I feel like I forget everything. I feel like I’ve forgotten my whole life from the age of 9 onward. If you ask me what I was doing 2 summers ago, I wouldn’t be able to remember. If you ask me what I did on my birthday last year, I can’t remember. If you ask me anything about occurred events this past year, I won’t be able to remember it unless I’m presented with...
Oh, who am I kidding. Pretending to love the holidays and having Christmas spirit and listening to holidays songs. I hate holidays. Nothing makes me want to kill myself more than having to be forcibly happy about these occasions where you spend time with family and have to be forgiving and generous towards everyone else.
…Is it weird that I speak to my Kurt Cobain poster on my wall?
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Metaphysical Nihilism Metaphysical Nihilism the philosophical theory that there might be no objects at all, i.e. that there is a possible world in which there are no objects at all; or at least that there might be no concrete objects at all, so even if every possible world contains some objects, there is at least one that contains only abstract objects. An extreme form of metaphysical nihilism is...
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rock on the world’s longest porch at the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island
own a golden retriever
explore the canyons, arches, and monoliths of Capital Reef National Park in Utah
visit all the major natural history museums in the United States
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“What happened when you woke up?” “I was having a dream. I don’t know what it was, but when I woke up, I had this awful realization that I was awake. It hit me like a brick in the groin.” “Like a brick in the groin, I see.” “I didn’t want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that’s really sad. It was almost like a reverse...
I think that it’s impossible to be unhappy whilst you’re on a swing. When I lived in San Diego, there used to be a park where I would go to almost every sat and just swing for a good hour or so. It’s the most freeing technique of mind clearing I’ve ever come across.
“Psychologists tell us that, if you experimentally separate children in any...”
– Leader: Do you get it now, Prime Minister? by Richard Dawkins (via scipsy)
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Existential Nihilism Existential nihilism is the belief that life has no intrinsic meaning or value. With respect to the universe, existential nihilism posits that a single human or even the entire human species is insignificant, without purpose and unlikely to change in the totality of existence.
We say that Columbus discovered America and Newton discovered gravity, as though America and gravity weren’t there until Columbus and Newton got wind of them.
I work. And I think about work, and I freak out about work, and I think about how much I think about work, and I freak out about how much I think about how much I think about work, and I think about how freaked out I get about how much I think about how much I think about work.
This week can’t go by any slower.
I’ve found a new existential pattern which I find quite interesting. I’ll probably make posts about different aspects of it.
I’ve been trying to save up money to go and buy some nice clothes and maybe dresses but I feel like I need somebody to come with me. Friends are never honest enough and my mother has the clothing preferences of a...